2021 Favourite Records and imposter syndrome
When I was formulating ideas for TheHenryMudd and I decided to have a blog component, I kept saying to a friend of mine, “I don’t know what to write, I don’t know what to write,” and he said to just write whatever wasn’t poetry or short stories and to have fun. I was really lost and felt really confused because I see these beautifully written blog posts that are so incisive and so articulate and I think I am neither of those things.
Poetry and fiction provide me a smokescreen behind which I can hide. I can play with metaphor and make-believe and find comfort in telling myself that I am invisible, that the author is dead, and that I am but the lowly conduit through which THE UNIVERSE flows. I’ve told my partner when I am at the typewriter or computer working on poems or writing a story that I mostly turn off my brain and just type whatever come out. While I am inherently connected to the work produced, it often feels like the poems or the stories are already out there somewhere and I am just pulling them out the ether and into reality. As much as I hear my voice, it’s a different voice; it’s Henry Mudd. Writing a blog entry, however, that feels like my real voice, rather than whatever voice is in the poems or the stories, and leaves me feeling so naked, so exposed, like you, Dear Reader, might think OH MY GOODNESS, THIS IS THE REAL HENRY MUDD AND HE IS WRITING ABOUT (whatever) AND WE SEE THROUGH HIM NOW. I used to not care and somehow and somewhere along the way, I started to care deeply. I think I am back to not caring anymore. In some ways, I have my yoga practice to thank for that in that I know nothing is permanent, everything is temporary, and as much as everything matters, everything equally doesn’t matter.
A journalist friend of mine told me on another topic of writing—and I will paraphrase here—that I need to can the bullshit faux humility and just write, and not to write about the topic of writing (sorry); the same friend mentioned to me in the past that I clearly know what I’m doing even if I don’t know I know and to just let it fly; I appreciate the advice because he is an established writer who I respect a great deal and who knows left from right (I know right is right because right isn’t left because I’m left-handed and that’s the hand I do most everything with) and he is, of course, right. Just do the work. Yoga says the same thing.
My concern has always laid in the idea that no one will care or find anything interesting in a blog post but if you’re here, Dear Reader, you must be interested to a degree and, so, I apologize for the painful expounding of my non-confidence and admission of imposter syndrome.
Now, onto the fun stuff—my favourite records of the year:
If it hasn’t become apparent, I have a few very specific interests and I hyperfocus on those interests. Ask me about the NBA, heavy metal/hardcore, and a handful of other things and you’re likely to get an encyclopedic response; it’s a blessing at times, and, for others, it’s probably more of a curse. But, it is who I am and how I am.
A few years ago I started tracking every new release I listen to in a calendar year. It definitely isn’t everyone’s cup of tea to do, but I like keeping (very specific) lists (of very specific things) because it makes me feel good. As I’ve been keeping these lists, I’ve also streamlined how I keep them. I used to keep little notes about each album, but that, honestly, was a bit more work than I wanted to do and that stuff pretty much just sits in the back of my brain anyway, so now it’s just italicize the album title, and if I really like the record then I’ll embolden the artist/album title. NOW IT’S TIME FOR THE BIG REVEAL:
Battle Hag —Celestial Tyrant
Divide & Dissolve - Gas Lit
Ani DiFranco - Revolutionary Love
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - New Fragility
Wild Pink - A Billion Little Secrets
Steve Moore - Analog Sensitivity
Suffering Hour - The Cyclic Reckoning
Gravesend - Methods of Human Disposal
Julien Baker - Little Oblivions
Glitterer - Life is not a Lesson
Neil Cowly - Hall of Mirror
Wolvennest - Temple
Wolf King - The Path of Wrath
Lana Del Rey - Chemtrails over the Country Club
DVNE - Etemen Aenka
Rhye - Home
Bewitched - Cursed be thy Kingdom
Altarage - Succumb
Cassandra Jenkins - An Overview of Phenomenal Nature
Cruelty - There Is No God Where I Am
Carsie Blanton - Love & Rage
Ashley Monroe - Rosegold
Clark - Playground in a Lake
J Cole - The Offseason
Zombi - Liquid Crystal
Old Sorcery - The Hand of Merlin
Morcheeba - Blackest Blue
Pardoner - Came Down Different
Old Sea Brigade - Motivational Speaker
Allison Russell - Outside Child
HAERTS - Dream Nation
Lord Huron - Long Lost
Sinead Harnett - Ready Is Always Too Late
Penelope Trappes - Penelope Three
DMX - Exodus
Wyldest - Monthly Friend
Inhuman Condition - Rat God
Cavetown - Man’s Best Friend
Kaylee Elizabeth - Playing with Fire
Delving - Hirschbrunnen
Olivia Ellen Lloyd - Loose Cannon
Tigers Jaw - I Won’t Care How You See Me
Superbloom - Pollen
Desperate Journalist - Maximum Sorrow!
Sebastian Prime - Save Me Not
Laura Mvula - Pink Noise
Femme it Forward - Big Femme Energy Volume 1
Beth Lee - Waiting on You Tonight
Charli Adams - Bullseye
Leela James - See Me
Ransom - Heavy is the Head
Beachy Head - s/t
MAN ON MAN - s/t
Vulture - Dealin’ Death
Lingua Ignota - SINNER GET READY
Annie Hart - Everything Pale Blue
Ben Platt - Reverie
There’s no order to this list outside of a loose chronological order. It is a living document and come November/December, I’ll start paring it down to my favourite favourites of the year. Because I’m also moderately neurotic, I also created a playlist of favourite songs. Not every song on the playlist is featured on the list above and I know that disconnect is probably problematic from an academic perspective, and that’s okay; I’ll still include the list below for your listening pleasure.
In the meantime, thank you for sticking with me and reading my confessional and then checking out some of the artist on the above list or listening to some of the playlist and then saying, wow, Henry doesn’t have totally terrible taste in music.
Have a wonderful day, Dear Reader.
