Love Poem 39

There is a funny threshold with love where

sometimes

we are able to put up with a lot of bullshit

and

a lot of headaches

because sometimes

a partner is wired a bit differently, or

has baggage and trauma,

or lives in a state of pain or shame

and we say:

oh, that is just how he is

oh, she is just that way

that is the way they were raised up.

A lot of people in

our modern world

hold a narrow view of that threshold—at least when it isn’t

them and their relationship—

and think it is okay to a degree,

but if one judges there to be

too much drama

then it is something that shouldn’t be tolerated.

I agree there are behaviours that

cannot be tolerated

and those we can live with,

but there are some issues with which the best we can do is

try to understand, try to support, and try to love.

Of course, for those of us who exist in

perpetual shame and pain

or whose minds are damaged or wired differently,

we can try to learn how to do things differently,

seek out new examples of how to live,

new ways to think,

imagine how we want to engage with others,

all manners of behaviour we can model,

but we cannot change the fundamental manner in which

our minds work.

Sometimes we tolerate more than maybe we should because

we do not know any better

or

because we do not think we deserve any better,

and other times it is because we love someone who

simply deserves to be loved and deserves the safety love can bring.

Maybe someone acts a certain way because

something so bad happened to them that the only way they

can sleep is with a knife by the bedside.

Maybe someone’s temper is how it is because that is the

only way their voice was ever heard.

Maybe it turns out someone’s genes and chromosomes decided

behaviours long before anything else could.

Everyone needs love.

Everyone needs to be cared for.

Everyone needs to know they are worthy of being lifted up

and damage and pain should never preclude us from knowing

that sweetness.