Abduction/Surgery

The light in my eyes

keeps me

from seeing much of anything,

from feeling anything but fear.

I can’t even feel my body.

I try and believe

my arms and legs are intact

because that was the case when I put my head down.

The little I can see at the fringe

of the light’s halo

looks like a surgical suite.

Cold.

Steel.

Sterile.

Chittering and clicking

outside the halo tells me someone is lurking,

and more than just someone.

I know what’s happening.

I can feel it without feeling a thing.

On the fringe,

I see 

long, fragile fingers

attached to elegant hands

attached to delicate arms.

I can see

the oval-shaped heads,

the big eyes

sitting over two slits for a nose,

and a slit for a mouth.

All of it feels like I am awake

and none of it

feels like I am asleep.

The sound of the buzzsaw tells me this is now.

The feeling of it biting into my arm just above my elbow

confirms to me this is now.

I am shrieking.

I am hearing another saw at my knee.

I am feeling the bite of the blade.

My blood spatters out.

My intact body

is no longer 

my intact body.

My arm is being pressed beneath my knee,

my leg beneath my elbow.

I smell 

burning hair

and burning skin.

The cold of the saw presses against my belly.

I smell urine and feces.

Is this what it is to be taken in the night?

Is this what it is to be some sort of experiment?

Is this the fear an animal feels

when they are put to the knife or to the test?

I am helpless.

I am voiceless.

I am awake through it all.