Airlock

The airlock is a funny place to be

because I have seen it and heard it used

only a few different ways.

Of course,

one way is to prepare for venturing out

into space:

it’s where we put our suits on,

where the pressure changes,

where we move from one realm to another.

I have been in the airlock many times,

and I have suited up many times

for that space walk,

that moon walk,

the off-the-record float through stardust,

and every time I have buckled in,

and sealed my gloves,

my helmet,

checked my oxygen levels

I am reminded of the

other reasons

people are in the airlock.

I know someone who was shoved in

as a joke; the other crew members laughed,

they called it hazing 

while they watched their crewmate

scream and squeal and scramble with

their life flashing before their eyes;

I don't see much to laugh at there at all.

I know of people who have gone into

the airlock

to clean, or tidy, or something of that nature

and made it back out without paralyzing fear,

crippling anxiety,

someone managing to function despite knowing

only a door separates them from the big empty.

I also know someone who was shoved into the airlock

and sent out into space.

No suit.

No oxygen.

No joke.

Only fear.

Only death.

Maybe I need to think

about my relationship with the airlock

and try to see it in a different light,

but it’s hard for me to do that

because there are only so many real good reasons

to be there

in the first place.