Hull breach

I used to dream 

about living

on a space station but

I always knew

it could never happen,

it would never happen.

Of course, couldn’t and wouldn't were only truth

until the truth changed. 

Still, I thought 

everyone

I imagined

who lived up on the space stations

would be scientists

and geniuses

and doctors

and engineers

and researchers

—people who really had something going for themselves,

and who wanted to build a better world.

I never thought there would be anyone like me up here.

As a kid,

I read science fiction,

I watched the movies

and the shows

and played the games

and read the comics,

so a part of me knew

a normal person could end up in space somehow, 

but I ignored

how often it was a mistake

or a punishment

or a suicide mission.

I just didn’t think normal jobs existed up there

past the clouds.

I thought life

would somehow be different 

than down in the fires.

I never thought

I would be flipping burgers in Saturn’s orbit,

but here I am.

Here I am

doing something I never thought possible

and it’s the most

painful

thing I’ve ever done.

I am praying for a hull breach.