Love Poem 35

There are times where

I am at a loss

for moment after moment

and the loss stirs confusion

and the confusion stirs anxiety

and the anxiety sends me running.

Everything begins to happen and

I see it unfolding and

I try to fake my way through.

This is what I’m supposed

to do,

this is how I am supposed

to be.

I try to do what I have

learned to do,

what I have learned to be

the right thing to do.

I have spent a

lot of time

digesting what I have seen and experienced

in order to

puncture my chrysalis,

to complete my birth.

But,

I am impatient.

I want the understanding now.

I want to reap what I haven’t sowed.

I want to raise the banner of that which I have not won.

I want my name screamed from the mountaintops for

love I have not inspired.

Instead of believing the cocoon opens when it opens, I want

to sharpen myself into all edges

and pierce my way

into the world.

I want to

emerge

with a scream,

all howling and shrieking energy.

I want nothing more than to burst forth and be told

I see you,

I hear you.

Because I can see out of this shell, and

I just don’t know how to navigate through any of it.

All I want is the birthing process to be complete

and to feel whole, to feel heard, to feel seen,

to feel held and to know it is safe to soften.