Love Poem 44
I have a brother in this world
and not just someone I call my brother,
but a true blue brother who has
the same blood
and
the same guts
that I have.
We don’t talk much
except for every now and then
and I have never really known why.
I have always chalked it up to him being him
and said I have done my part and I do my part
and
what else can I do?
I can’t make someone love me
and
I can’t make someone want to have anything to do wth me.
What I have never done is think about
my space and my place in it all.
What am I not doing to make room for him?
What am I not doing to open the doors for him to pass through?
Maybe there isn’t anything that I am doing or not doing and the
estrangement
is just a part of life and
just the way the cookie crumbles
and I more or less accept that.
I
more or less
accept the way things are
and I
more or less
accept that maybe there isn’t anything
I can do about it
and that it is a hard thing to do.
Throughout the years,
I have seen my friends and I have seen people I can’t stand alike
talk to their brothers like
it is the greatest relationship in the world
and I have gotten jealous.
I have despised what others have.
I have felt so burned by it all that
I have wondered
why on earth
it is something other people have and I don’t,
and I suppose I need to accept that is,
sometimes,
just how it is.
There isn’t a whole lot more that can be done except for
keeping the fire burning and keeping the light on
and not being afraid to keep waiting.
I know there are people in the world who champion
the excising of a traditional family setup and
I acknowledge that is sometimes for the better
and I know the romance of always being there for someone
isn’t the most practical or realistic thing in the world,
but does love need to be practical or realistic?
Do I need to collect all the data in the world
to hold a space of love in my heart for my brother,
even if it means it will forever remain
unrequited?
I suppose that is only an answer I can give and it is
something only I can decide.
All I know is that there is a lonely boy in my heart
who only wants his older brother to play with him,
to laugh with him,
to jump a fence with him,
to cross a river together and
to know there is a shoulder to lean on in the
hardest times.
Brendan,
I love you and I hope you love me.
