Love Poem 45
Remember back in the day we had
so many ideas
and so many dreams and
so many things we thought would turn out
one way but
they turned out another way?
Sometimes it was the way we loved our family
or the way a friendship turned out
or the way someone looked at us or didn’t look at us
and we were stuck wondering
what any of it all meant.
There were so many times where we didn’t have the confidence
to say something or
the guts to do something
and we convinced ourselves it would be easier,
maybe even better,
if we just sat on our hands and didn’t do a
goddamn thing.
Now, the problem with just sitting on our hands is that
nothing ever gets done
and all we end up with is a lifetime of
would-haves,
should-haves,
might-haves,
could-have-beens,
might-have-beens,
and should-have-beens
and that’s a lifetime of
regret
if I’ve ever heard one.
There are a thousand ways we can
tell ourselves not to do something:
maybe they don’t feel a certain way about us;
or, maybe we don’t want to ruin something we already have;
or maybe it is a
situation
where we frequent the same place and
we don’t want to cause waves
because we think that by not doing something,
by remaining silent and inactive
that we aren’t still causing waves.
Maybe they are only waves in the oceans of our own lives
and because there isn’t a shared experience
we think there are no waves beyond our own existence,
but there are raging waters just the same.
Anyone who says they
seize every opportunity or
make the most out of every day,
hey, good for them.
That must be a really good feeling and
I wonder how it is working out.
I doubt there is anyone who shoots every shot
or takes every chance,
or who throws caution to the wind and lives as
freely
as they can.
That just isn’t how any of this all unfolds.
How it unfolds is
we try our best
and sometimes we let ourselves down
because we don’t make that final push
or we don’t listen to the rumbling in our guts.
We may not be able to roar through life as we’d like,
but we do need to do more than stand in the corner.
What do we think we can have if we hide our whole lives?
A life without pain,
without risks?
To try and go through life without those things is simply
to exist.
Pain is more consistent in this world than we want,
just as much as grief and loss and what-if’s are what move us forward.
All those things we used to dream about,
those are all things we can have and enjoy
but we need to be willing for our guts to spill out onto the floor
and for our hearts to be put on cruel display.
There is nothing easy in this world and this is never more
apparent
than when we are chasing that spirit of love.
It has taken me
most of my life
to learn all of this and all that means is
I am more aware of not taking a chance.
I am more aware of the missed opportunities and
that a lot of times what we want and what happens
are different things and that is how we build
the armour of our souls,
that is how we find the strength to carry on and the guts
to keep trying and the courage to know
that a feeling can’t be the end of us,
no matter how awful it might be.
Rejection leads to reflection leads to rejuvenation leads to resilience and resilience leads to us knowing how much
we can endure.
