Love Poem 8

Some people want to

argue

about whether or not there is

life after death or

if it is one shot and that’s that.

I don’t know, and I am not sure

what I could possibly know

or add to the conversation because I can barely dress myself.

I can roll a great joint, but I can’t tell you about much else

but I am happy to share what I think might be true:

I think we are here to try and get through

as much as we can get through and try to survive

as best we can

and try to make it through the obstacles placed in front of us

and try to help those who have more obstacles because

all of this is just a chance.

All of this is just something we are trying to make our way through

and on a good day we are clinging to what we want to be true

and on a bad day we are confronted with questioning whether or not

the things we want and the things we need and the things we hope

are worth their salt.

Maybe it all means that we were

wrong the whole time and

we were putting all of our eggs in the wrong basket

or wasting our time and wasting our fuel and wasting our energy

on some long, drawn out, and meaningless voyage

that seems to be little more than theatre

and little more than faking our way

along the long path to whatever lies at the end when we

draw our last breath.

I lie to myself

in preparation of those times sometimes.

I tell myself I am going to hold onto the things that

I want to, no matter what, but my grip is

tenuous at best.

I tell myself no storm lasts forever

and no pain runs so deeply that the void cannot be filled.

I tell myself we are, ultimately, guided by truth.

Somehow.

Some way.

There HAS to be some sort of guiding principle.

But, when I have been in the hole and

I have been down and out

I am the first one selling out everything I know and

giving up on everyone.

More than anything, I am giving up on myself those times.

I take what I think and know to be true and

abandon it, even if it is just for a minute

And sometimes that minute is long enough to drown.

Sometimes a minute is long enough for everything to go wrong.

When the inferno is raging and you are holding your breath,

there is a time to be at peace and see nothing else matters.

Nothing matters.

There is no room for almost or maybe or just about.

Everything is a yes or no.

The singularity of life might be the hardest thing to digest.

There will be times where we only need to

submit,

to allow everything to wash over us.

Frank Herbert said that when the fear is gone, there will

be nothing.

He said only we will remain

and whether or not that is true when the

Big Fear comes our way,

I don’t know.

I can tell you that in the everyday and for

the regular fears

and

the regular occurrences

and all of the moments where we don’t

trust ourselves

puts us somewhere

that doesn’t serve us

and where we think poison will cure us.

I know that everything can be what I do not expect it to be.

I know that whatever is proven to be true can also be

proven to be untrue.

I know that even in the worst of times that

the truth will come to bear.

Maybe this is all nothing anyway.

So, when it comes to life after death, reincarnation or

blinking away,

I guess I don’t have any real answers except:

love as hard as you can,

be afraid as infrequently as possible, for fear IS the mindkiller,

smoke weed,

eat mushrooms,

and don’t ever take shit from anyone who doesn’t have a good reason

to give you shit.