Love Poem 31

When I think about

heartbreak

it is always easy for me to think about the

hundred-and-one

ways in which my hearts has been

broken

before, and how the breaking hasn’t been all that

hard

to do.

I am a lover.

I am a feeler.

I am soft and I am

easily damaged.

All the things I put out,

all the energies and all the fronts,

are designed to keep a

fragile heart

in one piece, or to at least keep it

in the same number of pieces in which it currently exists

while also vainly hoping it doesn’t break anymore.

I remember once finding out

I was the last person to know I was

out in the cold

and I didn’t know how to handle it, but I

pieced myself together and moved along.

Another time, I remember being dodged and ditched and

I was so worried

about the pain

and the loneliness

that I thought I would never heal,

but I did.

Though, I thought I would cry until I could no longer cry

and like my heart had been drained to empty.

I remember another time being looked at like

I was from another planet

and roundly ignored because

nothing made sense to me.

I remember the deepest cut coming from being

scared.

The pain and fear of pain

have always led me astray and have always taken me into the weeds

where I would be stuck trying to

figure it out

until someone found me and led me back to the light.

What I have learned is that my soft soul has a place

within cold truth.

My warm spirit need not freeze.

The pain is temporary,

an act of pruning

to foster growth,

to guide me towards wholeness and health.

I don’t want the pain and the hurt, but

I will feel those things and I will be grateful for those things

as they can be made sacred so that I might

worship within the temple of love.